Scooter VS Gary's Car

On 12/04/2010, a lovely Saturday afternoon in Nanjing, China, Bill and I were taking Gary and his daughter, Lianne to Chao Tian Gong.  Chao Tian is also known by the expate community at “The Dirt Market” or “The Antique Market”.

Gary decided that he wanted to drive his personal car into the city as he has done on several occasions.  Typically Bill and I opt for local transportation, buses or taxi’s, to do our exploring in town.  Bill and Gary both have Chinese driver’s license and both are able to drive anywhere in China.  I know that I have previously commented on the insane traffic flow in our community.  All the signs are in Chinese characters, the Chinese drivers themselves have a “kill or be killed” driving style and add in a few thousand bikes and scooters per block and you have the recipe for chaos.  I personally will never drive here; my nerves are not that strong. 

Gary and Lianne come by Yulan Villa to collect Bill and me at 2 o’clock, plenty of time for a nice leisurely stroll through the Dirt Market.  We made it to the market in great time with no major snafu’s, on to find parking. Another reason why public transportation is a more manageable form of relocation is due to the extreme lack of public parking.  Gary found a spot going in the opposite direction and he proceeded to execute a three point turn.  A simple enough skill which he executed like a professional; HOWEVER…

As he was putting the vehicle into reverse to Parallel Park. SMACK, Scooter interfaces with front driver side tire. 

She, a Chinese female scooter driver, hit our stationary vehicle.  Fortunately, she just hit the tire with her pedal; her scooter was one of the cheap pedal/electric varieties.  Unfortunately, her pedal had a slight bend in its shaft. 

*Cue disaster music…dunn dunn dunn da…dunn dunn dunn daaaa*

The Chinese have very defined road rules.  If the Chinese drivers were to actually utilize two-thirds of their laws, China would be one of the safest countries to drive in…BUT they don’t.  Add that to the law that if your scooter is below a 35cc, you don’t have to have a license, it is more of a fast bike and thus 90% of the scooters are 35cc or less. 

*Dunn dunn dunn daaaaa (DDDA)*

Our scooter lady whom we will now refer to as NINNY, as in Nimrod, Nincompoop, Numb Nuts you get the idea.  Ninny is enraged.  How dare our non-moving vehicle get in her way?  How dare we cause her distress and a bent pedal? 

She called the Police.  *DDDA* 

When you have an accident in China, you don’t move your vehicle until the police arrive to make a judgment on fault, take photos (usually with their cell phone) and settle any financial agreement or issue tickets.  It doesn’t matter if you are in the highest traffic flow area of the city or on an elevated highway, if you have a fender bender; you are fully expected to jam up all traffic around you as you await the Police.  Which brings up Police response time, could be 10 minutes or could be HOURS! 

The other thing the Chinese find perfectly acceptable is to gather in masses to lurk at the scene of an accident or argument.  It is a spectator sport to them, add a few foreigners to the scene and you got the makings for a spectacle.  Oh, yeah baby, I should have been selling tickets.  “Step right up, See the White People.  Step right up, see the giants.  Get your tickets.  Step right up.”

 While waiting for the police, Ninny is telling everyone that will stop to listen how the big bad Laowai (foreigners) jumped their big vehicle in front her little bitty scooter. My Chinese is not great but usable.  So I proceed to tell everyone how Ninny hit a parked car. Not allowed, unacceptable, ridiculous.  The spectators are gathering and laughing…many Chinese think that if they are hit by a foreigner that it is MONEY.  *insert sound:  “cha-ching”*.  Others are laughing at Ninny for her obvious lack of driving skills and for my ability to tell her such. I am also at this time, making nice with the spectators, telling them how adorable their babies are, talking to the elderly, how are you, thanks for coming. I took pictures of the vehicles and the crowds.  I stood on the railing of Gary’s vehicle and tried to get them to do a group wave for me…yah, that didn’t translate well. *Bwwwwaaahaaahaa*

A 1/2 hour later, Mr. Policeman arrives.  What Bill did do prior to the arrival of THE LAW was call one of our Chinese contacts that is bilingual and explained the situation and had them on stand-by for translation assistance.  About 50% of the police are able to speak a bit of English but considering the possibility for the things to go wrong quickly, it is a good idea to have options.  Mr. Policeman is a charming looking young guy, reminded me of Yao Ming the basketball player just not a bazillion feet tall, from here forth the Policeman will be referred to as Yao Ming. 

You can tell Yao was flustered with the large group of people and the accident involving the Laowai.  He spoke to Ninny and inspected the damage to the scooter.  He tried to talk to Gary to get his version.  Gary’s Chinese is much worse than mine so I started translating (God help us.) Through some charades and basic words, he understood what we were saying.  He verified Gary’s documents (license), all were in line.  He then speaks to Ninny again…who we know is really damsel in distress playing for the crowd.  Was that a tear I saw?  Sweet Baby Jesus….time to call the translator!

Here is another quirky China Vehicle Law.  The vehicle that is largest is always responsible for the smaller vehicle in any moving violation accident.  So as long as you hit something larger then you…then the larger party is responsible…even if the larger vehicle isn’t moving.  Pedestrian vs. Bike…Pedestrian wins.  Bike vs. Scooter…Bike Wins.  Scooter vs. Car…Scooter Wins.  Car vs. Bus…Car Wins. Pedestrian vs. Bus…Pedestrian Wins…ok reality is BUS ALWAYS WINS.  I think the rickshaws are the wild card in the scooter/bike/rickshaw equation.

Our translator talks to Yao, more random hand gestures and lots of ok ok ok.  Yao returns me the phone.  Our translator tells me that Yao understands that Ninny is a moron.  However, Chinese Law says Car Bigger…Car Bad.  Yao wants to keep Gary’s documents.  Ninny is going to go get her bike fixed and bring the invoice to the Police Department.  Gary can come to the police department in 48 hours and pay for the repairs and collect his documents or he can bring his insurance person and the insurance person will pay the repairs and collect Gary’s documents.  I respond in a most perplexed voice, “Uh……. No…...  Gary has to go to train station to pick up his wife who is flying in today from Germany after attending her father’s funeral. (I am not making this up.) How is he to drive with no papers?  The insurance…this is a car owned by (an undisclosed Chinese Government Owned Company) .  Do you want me to go wake Chairman Mao to tell him that Ninny hit us while we are stationary and now I need him to come hold my hand and sign off on a less than $10 repair? Uh, no.” Then I threw out there the Chinese answer to getting things done fast and painless.  “How much is it going to cost to make her go away?  50RMB? 100RMB?  Really, we got things to do and places to go…so really, what will it take to make Ninny go AWAY…” Ok, so this question wasn’t completely painless. Gary did have to get to the train station to pick up his wife.  I was nearly 2 hours into this scenario.  I was done.  I hated to throw money at a woman that was obviously prolonging a situation for economic gain but really, I was overdone, put a fork in me and please dear Lord let me get on with my life. 

I hand the phone back to Yao…translator to Yao….Yao to Ninny, who is now got her cousin or someone on the phone with the scooter repair people.  Twenty more minutes of blah blah blah.  Yao hands me the phone, translator says, “100 RMB and it will all be taken care of, no more to do.” I looked at Gary and told him to pay the lady; this is two hours of my life gone.  He gave the money to Yao.  Yao then shakes hands with all of us and gives me this adorable shy grin.  He knows this is just wrong but what is he going to do?  I know it is wrong but what am I going to do?  If it was my car, would I have done differently?  Probably not.  These scenarios are ridiculous.  It is extortion.  Yao gives the money to Ninny and Ninny happily scoots away.  Sweet Baby Jesus, please let Karma exist and let her be judged wanting.

What do you do?  If you are me, you go for foot rubs, steak dinner at Jimmy’s, meet up with a bunch of friends and drink a few Vodka and Tonics.  Oh, but before that you send Gary to collect his wife at the station and then return their car to his apartment and threaten him within an inch of his life if he ever gets the notion to drive himself into the city proper again!