Dai Wa Sek, just say NO!

Long day with the heat, touring and cell phone debacle.
Add drinks with friends, Damn Dan and his Vodka.
Add a couple locals, Mr. Hu and Sean.
Add the dice game (Dai Wa Sek), you lose means you drink.
Add Laila and the girls, evil dice players.
Add I suck at the dice game- me suck big time.
What do you have….
Saturday becomes Sunday and I don’t crawl out of bed till 5PM.

Cell Phones Ready

Saturday the 9th of August we went to get cell phones for Derek and myself. In China this is not like running down to your nearest AT&T or T-Mobile or handy dandy Walmart.
A. First you got to go to the phone store.
Imagine walking into BestBuy and only having phones in the whole store. Now imagine 100 or more sales associates and dozens of associates walking around in little uniforms carrying the “hot” phone. Now imagine 300 customers wondering around the store each wanting to look at the one phone you would like. Oh, and imagine that the air conditioner is only working at around 85 degrees so add in all the humans breathing and bingo bango – 105 degrees inside.
B. Pick out a phone.
So we pick out a phone. There are no sign a contract get the phone for cheap programs in china. Pick out a phone and pay for it.
C. Pay for the phone.
Found the phone, can we pay for it – nope – the sales associate has to escort you up to the payment collections associates? That associate takes your money then hands you a collection receipt.
D. Collect the phone.
Your original sales associate now takes you to collections were that associate goes to the back and brings your shiny new box.
E. Learn the phone.
Associate No. 1 now takes you back to her station to set up your phone. That is right. After the 15 minutes you have already spent analyzing your phone choices, he or she is now going to spend another 20 to 30 minutes showing you have to work your phone. Which we did pay attention to the first phone since the user guide is all in Chinese but the second phone was identical to the first so just a lot of blah, blah, blah.
F. Activate Phone.
Now you have your phone and you think you could make a call…nope. You have to activate the phone. Note to future travelers in China you have to provide your passport when you activate your phone. Which we did not have with us – Bill forgot to tell us that little tidbit. Mr. and Mrs. Li accompanied us on this shopping nightmare so it was decided to go eat dinner and then go to a China Mobile near the apartments.
G. Break from dealing with the damn phone.
Dinner was at Aladdin’s which is by the Sheloten Hotel. Don’t call it the Sheraton or your driver will take you to the SOS building. Dinner was yummy which is saying something. Too much has not been yummy.
H. Still trying to activate the phone.
Then off to the apartment to grab passports so we can activate the phones. This required stopping at 2 different China Mobiles. One could turn the phones on but not set up voicemail or my email. Second office could but had to pick out our numbers. China you get a list of available numbers. Cell numbers have 9 to 11 digits. If your number has a 4 in it, you got bad mojo but numbers with a 4 are cheaper then numbers without. I picked #33 on the list which had no 4 and is all the life number for Christ. Don’t ask – no bad mojo. My number cost $20. Derek picked out number 37 – no 4’s and his number cost $30. I still don’t get it but we avoided the 4’s like Mr. Li instructed us.

Phones are now working except I still cannot get my voicemail to work.

AFLAC - I am so sorry.

I have come to terms with my actions and now feel the ability to communicate my transgressions and ask for your compassion and understanding at this difficult time.
I ate the duck.
Sunday noon, our landlord picked us up for a traditional Chinese lunch. I am sure the landlord has a name but everyone just calls him Landlord, like the Godfather. Landlord’s friend is the manager of a very nice restaurant in the center of town and he was our host for the afternoon. Joining us was Maria, our property manager, she has been a great help to Bill and also speaks English.
You also need to be aware that I was a little hung-over from the Welcome to China Party we had attend the night prior with several of Bill’s local friends.
They escort us through the main restaurant into a private room for our meal. It is gorgeous with formal settings and lovely Chinese china. They even gave us forks and spoons; this is a big deal here. There is a large glass turn table in the middle of the table with several bowls and plates full of food. I recognize, fruits, veggies, small cuts of meat like pâtés. I ask Maria what is what for Derek is a little pale looking. We all are making small talk…what do you think of Nanjing? How is the apartment? What would you like do for entertainment? As we talk the staff is bringing in more food. Egg soup, Fishhead soup, and glazed shrimp. Whoa, shrimp…Bill is deathly allergic. Maria explains to the landlord that Bill cannot have any seafood like shrimp, crab, and lobster. Derek is still a little pale. He is eating a lot of fruit at this point.
I was raised to try everything once. If you don’t like it at least you tried. I am going to stick to this policy. I sample the first dozen dishes. To reward my braveness I follow each sampling with a bite of fruit. I can do this, I can do this, the mantra in my head. Yet, after the Fishhead Soup, I am really questioning my ability to continue.
Landlord asked what Derek and Bill would like to order that would be more to their taste. The staff made a pork pepper steak and some fried pork patties that were very eatable. The meal continues. Out comes a plate of meat that resembles cashew chicken. YES. I can do that. I am thinking that we are going to get through this meal without causing a major rift in China/American relations. It was a nice thought, wasn't it.
I take a small amount and place it on my beautiful blue and white plate. I use my chopstick because I am a well rounded American that can learn new things. I pick up a bite and make it to my mouth without flinging it across the room (Yeah, me!) and I chew. Chew. Chew. Chew. Oh, god it isn’t going away. What is the bone? Gristle? Oh, my god is it growing. I look to Bill - HELP. Gag. Chew.
As I am dealing with this substance in my mouth, Maria announces that I am eating DUCK TONGUE. A favorite treat for the Chinese - OMG! In my head I am screaming – AFLAC!!!! Not favored. Not. Favored. The chewy bits are actually cartilage from the beak. Not. Favored.
I ended up spitting the vile food out into a napkin and then putting that napkin under the table without anyone being the wiser. I hope.
Lunch continues and there are a numerous other unrecognized plates. Bill is enjoying the spicy stuff. He has beads of sweat over his brow. Derek and I are sticking to the various fruit plates and nibbling on the fried pork. The meal is completed with a bowl of porridge. Yes, like Tale of Two Cities or Charles Dickenson. "Please, Sir, Can I have more?" Yeah, that kid was starving...truely. We are talking about a bland bowl of rice based goo with some floating bits. Swirl it around, pretend to nibble. Yum....done. It wasn't an Oscar award performance...but definately qualified for Golden Globe. Get it Globe - China - Earth. Man, I need a hobby.
Landlord drives us back to the apartment and we thank him repeatedly for his generosity and his kindness. It was a very nice gesture to our family. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I finally get up to the apartment and spent several hours in my bedroom trying to figure out if I was going to be sick or not. Look at me big bad adventurer going to puke my guts out.

I assure you that I will never, never ever eat the duck tongue again.

Weary Weekend

I cannot believe how glad I am for this weekend to be done. I need to time to recuperate.

Friday was a “normal” evening. It had rained for several days but Friday was a deluge. All the sidewalks were flooded; the lovely water features around the grounds were overflowing. We are in the middle of the rainy season in China; the good part of the rain is that if finally dropped below 80 degrees. Bill had to work late so Derek and I just hung around the house and watched bad TV. Most TV here is BAD TV.

Saturday was better weather wise. Bill, Derek and I were picked up by Brown. Brown, a co-worker of Bill’s, had agreed to take us to purchase a new motorbike (scooter) for us. Brown knows people. He was taking us to a distributor that would get us a better price since we were cutting out the middle man. It is my understanding that we could get an even better price but the scooter was likely stolen. Since I have no desire to see the interior of a Chinese prison, I chose to go with the legal option. Three hours later we are the proud owners of a new Prince. I went with the cobalt blue with a storage box on the back. Bill got them to add an alarm and automatic starter. I can start my bike from the sixth floor. I guess that alarm is a good idea with the active stolen bike market. They also gave us rain gear for all three of our scooters and mirrors for Derek’s scooter.

After driving the scooter back to the apartment and thanking Brown for his assistance. Bill, Derek and I returned to the downtown area for HOTPOT lunch. We went to the street that has bike accessories and bought all of us helmets. Good idea! On to the RT-MART for grocery shopping. Trying to get a taxi back home was not easy. Actually it didn’t happen. We tried but they all kept driving pass. I was beyond done. Occasionally one finds that there are people that don’t want to deal with us westerners. It is not very warm and fuzzy and to be honest….this westerner was ready to start flinging “the bird” freely. Thank God the weather was agreeable since we walked for miles. We ended up at Fugimia (Still not spelled correctly) I bought new shoes for $2.50 and Burger King. Around Fugi is a few million taxis’s so we were able to catch a ride the remainder of the way home.

Nap time. Evening closed out with Bill and I going to Double 7 Club. A great little bar downtown to watch a couple bands. The bands were good and the rum and cokes were iced. We met a number of locals that have been entertaining Bill and it was a good evening. I will explain the locals in more detail at a later date. The bands were really entertaining. I didn’t catch all the names but the main guitar player is “Steve Ray” and he is damn good. Good Music + Good Drinks + Fun People = HANGOVER!

Which leads me into Sunday but that will have to wait for tomorrow. It is Nap Time Again.

We may need an Intervention

I have hit a new low. Probably not my lowest point but definately a new low. I have hit my three weeks here in China and I am jones-ing. Bad!
I know that I am fat and I know that the lack of food choices will be a contributor to my "hopefully" loosing some pounds. That said....
I want chocolate. I want Doritos. I want Taco Bell. I want Welch's Grape Jelly.

I have been to four different grocery stores. RT-Mart, Carefour, Metro and Sougo - all chinese grocery stores that advertise "International Foods". Five stores, if you include, Wal-Mart. Yes, there is an isle or two of foods from Germany, US, Korea, Australia, England and others several others. The American foods have similiar packaging and would lead the consumer to think that they taste just like home. Absolutely. Not.

I have tried the find chinese alternatives. Cookies, chips, soda, bacon, popcorn, salt, pickles. I got nothing. So today in a moment of desperation - I ate a spoonful of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. See Photo. I may need professional help soon.

It was chocolatey. It did taste like Hershey's. It wasn't the same. Why you ask - texture. That is right. Texture. Go to your fridge and grab your Hershey's. We all have it - for ice cream or chocolate milk, to drizzle on our brownies or as a fruit dip or to line our chocolate martini glass or...just take it out and slowly pour it into a spoon. See how slow it cascades from its lovely brown bottle. See how it swirls into the spoon and makes the little rings of chocolate delight. Smell the perfect sugar to cocoa ratio as it fills the spoon. Sorry, was going into chocolate porn mode (shaking my head)....

....my Hershey's is, in one word, RUNNY - like water from a faucet.

Sad part of this tale...I ate it. Sucked it up like a coke addict and I did it again. Someone mail me a Snickers.

Balance Grasshopper....

Easyrider...China Style.
I wake up this morning trying to get the nerve to ride the scooter all by myself. I have rode with Bill but it is time for me to get off the "bitch" seat. I am nearly 40 years old. I haven't rode a bicycle since I was in high school. Three wheeler, four wheeler, jet ski's, snow mobiles. NO problem. My cute two wheeled motorized demon scares the poop out of me...a to increase my dread....riding it in chinese traffic. I walk out on Derek's balcony to hang up laundry and across the way I see the water guy. This man puts 10 to 12 five gallon water tanks on his scooter and delivers them around town. As you can see there is barely room for a person between all the tanks. This is a normal method for deliveries in our town.
I have seen a family of four get from Point A to Point B on one scooter. Propone is delivered by an old man on a scooter 6 to 8 tanks bunged to his scooter as he weaves through crazy traffic all the while sucking on a cigarette. Not exactly an OSHA approved delivery system but they make it work here.
What is my lesson in all this...buck up cowgirl and ride. I convinced Derek to come to the parking garage with me and walk me through getting "Sally" unlocked and started. Yeah, from here forth the scooters name shall be "Sally Scooter". Derek talks me through the basics...brakes (good to know), throttle, horn. What more could a chubby 40 yr. old. american need to know. - Balance.....yeah.
I made Derek sign a confidentiality waiver to never discuss anything he may have witnessed this afternoon. Nor was he permitted to laugh out loud. Don't go asking him for his take on my lesson.
First, scooters are heavier then they appear. Two, fast is easier until you need to stop. Three, Turning is a bitch. Why is it easier to turn to the left than the right. You would think that I am right handed so the right movements would be more natural. NO! I believed I was given the finger by an angry squirrel this afternoon.
That said, I drove the scooter today...all by myself. No training wheels or nothing.